Predictions for 2008 Get Weird

As 2007 and all that occurred during it’s twelve months was consigned to the Recycle Bin of history, the predictions for 2008 have already started to raise a few eyebrows. Few would have predicted that Britney Spears would shave off all her hair or that monkeys would take over Hornchurch council, so the latest batch of ‘prophecies’ are being viewed with a watchful eye by those ‘in the know’.

“I predict that Aston Villa will win the Premiership and …oh crap, who's been screwing with this?”

In true Nostradamus style, the crackpots have been coming out of the woodwork and predicting all sorts of crazy shenanigans for the forthcoming year. Philpott O’Pillpopper from Chichester issued the following statement, “I predict that the moon will be developed as a possible reserve location for the Euro 2008 Football Championships, cakes of all descriptions will be banned on all beaches between Great Yarmouth and Hastings and I will explode.”

Prime Minister Golden Brown appealed for calm, stating that any predictions for the coming year were “just the ravings of Tory looneys set loose to scare the general public into believing that I’m a robot with a malfunctioning lower jaw.”

With predictions of his impending marriage to a chair gathering pace, Orlando Bloom has acted to quash any rumours that that particular prediction will come true. He exclusively told us, “It’s all bollocks. I hate chairs. I hate sitting down, in fact. Always standing up, me. I love a good stand up. Or a lie down. But sitting? Nah, it’s not for me. Chairs can f**k off. Wankers.”

Hollywood predictions, always top of the crazy list, have reached a new high. A-list stars such as Tom Cruise, Charlize Theron and Samuel L Jackson have all been targeted by the crazies. Cruise will supposedly reveal himself to be a kettle, Theron will be found pleasuring a goat behind a porno theatre and Jackson will apparently make a good film.

We here at wemadethisup.com are never slow to jump on bandwagons and so we have our own prediction for 2008; that Issues will sweep all before it at the Edinburgh Fringe in August. (We also like a bit of self-promotion).  NJ