Any God Will Do

These days it seems that not even deities are exempt from obeying the rules. Sajani Shakya is worshipped as a living Goddess in her native Nepal, despite being only 10 years old. However, like most 10-year-olds, Sajani has decided not to let a few rules get in the way of a little fun. She recently undertook a trip to America to promote a documentary, an act that has seen her stripped of her title. While the search for her successor got under way, we decided to look into the bizarre happenings on the Asian continent.

Hey come on, how can you sack me if I didn’t inhale?

Sajani Shakya was a Kumari, and as such she was honoured by Hindus and Buddhists. She was tested and found to have all of the 32 pre-determined attributes, including having a neck like a conch shell and so was awarded the title of living Goddess at the tender age of two. As a Kumari, Sajani was expected to bless her followers and attend festivals. Unfortunately, as she was also expected to stay inside her palace for the majority of the year, hopping on a plane to the U.S of A, represented a major breach of the rules. With her title as Goddess stripped from her, Sajani now has to deal with the punishment of being able to go outside whenever she wants and being able to talk freely to other people.

In the west, religious leaders, surprised by the revelation that deities could simply be ‘chosen’ as in the Kumari fashion, have been pulling out all the stops to find Gods and Goddesses of their own. Here in the UK, the Archbishop of Canterbury has declared that his cleaner, Marjorie Tidysweep, is a Goddess after she passed his stringent ‘vacuum under the sofa’ test. In France, a Café owner, Phillipe LeGrand, was declared a God due to his low prices and to-die-for Brie Baguettes. The Germans have even got in on the act, heralding Hans Steppenwolf, an unemployed bricklayer, as a divine being because he helped an old lady across the road in his home town of Lickenschpittel.

Inspired by the Kumari selection process, even those who bizarrely follow the Jedi faith (a faith which demands that it’s followers do not take girlfriends), have come up with a list of ‘attributes’ for any potential divine being. Included on the list of ‘must haves’ for their spiritual leader are; Possession of personally drawn-up blueprints of the Millennium Falcon, the inability to talk in a relaxed manner around girls and the possession of a fully functioning stormtrooper costume. A spokesperson for the Jedi said, ‘We have had many applications for the post of Darth God and the selection process is proving to be a real challenge.’ It’s such a challenge that ITV, in partnership with Simon ‘belt-around-his-nipples’ Cowell, recently acquired the rights to film the process and will air the series, unimaginatively titled God Factor, in the autumn.

As for Sajani Shakya, the young girl who’s holibob to America started the whole thing, she was remaining tight lipped on the whole thing. The last anyone from the west saw of her was a fleeting glimpse of her hovering over a field, while creating forests and fruitful farmland at the mere wave of her hand. Her agent is currently negotiating personal terms for a run at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas.    NJ