'Barwick the Barbarian' in Ruthless Search For New National Boss

Brian Barwick (famed for his portrayal of René François Artois in 80's sitcom 'Allo 'Allo!)  has vowed to identify and appoint the best man as the manager of the English football team.

The Football Association chief will consult a host of leading figures in the game in his search for a "world-class manager" for England.  Barwick has canvassed the thoughts of his local newsagent, a window cleaner, a West End busker and his mother. Barwick said "I have discussed the issue with number of knowledgeable and reliable sources. I am very confident that I will get the right man or woman, I’m no discriminator, this time round. Can I just ask what people think of Basil Brush taking charge?"

The shortlist for the next England manager has caused much fear among national coaches worldwide.

In recent weeks, Martin O’Neill has refused the job wanting to continue the fine work he is doing at Aston Villa, Jose Mourinho flatly rejected the position because he is “too pretty” and Shane Fettingham knocked backed his approach as he will soon be enrolling for the second year of BTEC Nation Diploma in Welding. Milly Johnson, a 7 year old school girl, is currently considering the role on the promise that her father buys her a pet guinea pig.

Despite constant speculation, the bookies favourite remains the dual management possibility which will see the Chuckle Brothers take the reigns and restore national pride.   JG