Becks Trusts Posh With Mates – Naked!

David Beckham has sensationally admitted that his friendship with former teammate Gary Neville is so strong, he would trust him even if he was left in a room with his naked wife. Quite what prompted this declaration is unknown, although our sources tell us that Neville’s resolve has been tested in this way very recently. We HAD to investigate.

Posh Spice on her way to test her husband’s resolve…again.

The former England captain’s declaration of trust has come as a shock to his wife, Victoria ‘Old Spice’ Beckham. Close friends of the former chart-almost-topper say she “has never been naked in the company of anyone apart from David and the landlord of their local pub and even then she won a jar of her favourite pickled gherkins for her trouble”.

The comments have sent shockwaves throughout Hollywood, where the Beckhams have been trying to ingratiate themselves with the big players. Newly acquired friends Thomas and Katherine Cruiseington, leaders of the town’s Scientology cult, have expressed despair at Beckham’s statement, saying, “Why would he even let his wife be naked before another man? According to our beliefs, it is strictly forbidden to be naked at any time…even when naked. We will be reconsidering our offer to them of a Walmart two-for-one coupon in light of these sordid revelations.”

George Godly, Archbishop of Tetbury New Town, gave us this exclusive, “I don’t care, f**k off.”

With Beckham’s trust in his friend seemingly so rock solid, it begs the question – just how far would he be prepared to go? Ollie Gunner Sunshine, former groundskeeper at Old Trafford, told us, “Being naked in the same room may be one thing, but I’ve heard there’s a sliding scale of trust involved here. Apparently touching on places like the shoulder and upper arm is ok but any cupping would see the level of trust decline considerably. Kissing and fondling would see Neville crossed off the Christmas card list and anything involving fluid exchange would result in the cessation of the friendship entirely. Neville would be asked to return Beckham’s Optimus Prime Transformer model and the roller skates he was leant in 1997. It’s a serious business and the rules are apparently very clear – look, but no touchy-touchy.”

Since the comments were made, more celebrities have been making similar declarations about their bestest friends in a clear attempt to seem more down to earth. Vernon Kaye has stated that he’d let Bradley Walsh give his wife, Tess Daly, a bed bath; Dawn French has said that Jennifer Saunders is welcome to give her husband, Lenny Henry, a “damn good spanking” whenever she felt like it; and Peter Andre reiterated his plea for “someone, anyone to take this clown-hootered slapper off my hands.”   NJ