Blair Reveals His Wish For Legacy

Yesterday Tony Blair announced a highly controversial yet guaranteed way to end the conflict in Iraq.

Speaking at a press conference in Edinburgh, Mr Blair said “I’m not worried about ginger princes and the whole ‘will he, won’t he’ episode. Nor am I concerned by peace-keeping attempts and protests. As the, albeit outgoing, leader of Great Britain, I have made the decision to remove all troops from Iraq.” The stunned crowd of journalists held their breath, eagerly waiting for Blair to develop his radical statement. “I will make a withdrawal but also a replacement. This replacement comes in the shape of John Rambo.” Blair’s shocking revelation spurned great debate throughout the remainder of the conference, until he was able to once again silence the crowd and elaborate.

“Adrian! Put the kettle on!”

“Please allow me to explain my reasons for making this decision. His ability to operate a bow and arrow capable of firing missiles is second to none. He also comes with an unparalleled track record in international conflict. I fail to think of any other war veteran whose success has been documented and recreated several times by Hollywood, apart from Chuck Norris of course.”

We then asked Mr Blair if he considered the appointment of Rambo a barbaric approach to such a delicate issue. “Not at all” he replied. “George doesn’t think so. Anyway, the thing is, we want the oil, err, I mean, we want a liberated Iraq. Sorry, I always get those two mixed up. People may not be fully aware of the financial benefits of Rambo’s appointment. Firstly, he never misses a shot, meaning no ammunition will go to waste, and secondly, he refuses to cover his torso. This alone will save greatly on expenditure for uniform.”

Surrounded by our stunned compatriots, we then decided to travel stateside and gauge the US reaction.

Hank, a blues musician from Tennessee, said “Well raise my rent! That’s gotta be the finest cotton-pickin’ news I’ve ever heard since they legalised good ol’ pig wraslin’!” We then caught up with Chuck, a farmer and keen banjo player from Arkansas. Chuck is no stranger to the media and is perhaps best remembered for his appearance in the hit film, Deliverance. Unfortunately Chuck was unable to give us a verbal response as he was busy removing his clothes and chasing us of his land.

Undeterred by the banjo twanging inbred, we then paid a visit to the President who said “They tell me John Rambo got the gig. Well, that’s ok with me, although I would have preferred that Arnold Scwarzamakov guy after seeing his great work as The Exterminator.”  JG