British Mega Wave Flops
In early November, the Environment Agency threw up their arms in panic and declared that the whole country was going to be engulfed by a ‘tidal surge’. Early predictions included mass loss of life, destruction of thousands of homes and a plague of locusts.
The predictions and resulting panic were sparked by an area of low pressure off the eastern coast of the UK which led to, and let’s not get overly technical here, a rise in sea level which ‘surged’ (hence the name) down the coast on it’s way to Holland. In the middle of the night, old World War Two air raid sirens were cranked into action and police smashed down people’s doors to wake them up in readiness for mass evacuation. Schools were bulldozed to make way for tented villages and town halls were blown up, with the resulting rubble being thrown into the sea by volunteers shouting, “Go away, nasty wave!”
As morning broke and the disastrous events were supposed to start unfolding, the country braced itself for a cataclysmic happening. However, as the morning drew on and ‘zero hour’ came and went, it became clear that the Environment Agency’s predictions may have been a little wide of the mark. The sum total of the damage done, by what was being hastily downgraded to ‘a little splash-a-roo’, was four houses flooded and a
Mickey Shittybritches from the Environment Agency clarified what actually occurred. “Basically, according to our calculations, the surge peaked at 9.14am and got as high as 4 inches above the normal high tide level. Obviously our thoughts and prayers are with those who have lost pebbles and sand castles on the beach, this must be a very traumatic time for them.”
Prime Minister Gordon Brown made a statement from the safety of his stilted house in