Buzz Phrases Get Involved
Throughout the evolution of the English language, many phrases have come and gone. Some stayed around and became embedded into everyday usage; “Too many cooks spoil the broth” and “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” are just two of the more readily quoted ones. Those that didn’t catch on include, “Don’t graze on your mother’s hair when she’s milking a pheasant” and the little-known, yet catchy, “If your set fire to your neighbour’s wife, may your infant’s left foot be overcome with a particularly vicious malaise that manifests itself as a purple boil, full of bees”.
And so the ‘evolution’ of our mother tongue continues to this day. This has lead to a recent glut in vastly overused phrases that are now having serious effects on bewildered people up and down the country. For example, it is apparently no longer sufficient to describe something as ‘popular’ or ‘in style’. No, the correct way to describe something’s rise in regard is to say, “It’s all about…” For example, describing the popularity of the Playstation 3 would go thus; “It’s all about the Playstation 3 now…dude/playa/man/officer.”
Another phrase doing the rounds is the much maligned and increasingly annoying, “I’m all over that/it/you/your mother/a pint of milk/that DVD of Helen Mirren and an electric toothbrush.” To be “all over” something is to allegedly be equally excited or intrigued as your peers about that ‘thing’ and is uttered to imply that you’re not at all out of touch and confused because you only heard about the ‘thing’ ten seconds previously.
But the daddy of all the recent ‘buzz’ phrases, the one that has got those not ‘in the social loop’ (i.e. those who don’t spend fourteen hours a day on MyFaceBeboSpaceBook.com) is the murder-inducing, “Get involved”. Of all the phrases currently in circulation, this seems to be the one causing the most consternation. One poor sod, Kelvin LaBottomé from Tring told us his harrowing story. “Well, I was just in the pub, enjoying a chat with my mate when a work colleague of his, a salesman of some sort, came and joined us. Before I knew it, I was drowning in hackneyed quips and outdated jargon. Then these new phrases came out of nowhere and I was just powerless against the onslaught. I mentioned that I’d just bought a new Ford Focus and the guy told me it was ‘all about the new Ford Focus these days’, but then he refused to elaborate, leaving me hanging. What he said made no logical or grammatical sense. So I moved on and mentioned the new bar in the town centre and before I could finish my sentence, he weighed in with, ‘I’m all over that place’. Again, I waited for him to clarify but got nothing, he was like a robot. I thought if I moved onto something a bit less positive, he’d stop doing it. So I mentioned that there was a new Audi up for grabs in the town shopping centre if you filled in a slip and entered it in a draw of some sort, but that I didn’t see the point of entering. He said I should ‘get involved’. Well, that tipped me over the edge. Something snapped in my brain and I was overcome with paranoia. What if I didn’t ‘get involved’? Was I going to miss out on something that everyone else in the town was in on? What if my not being ‘all over it’ meant that I couldn’t ‘get involved’ because I wasn’t ‘all about it’? So, that’s why I kind of lost it and punched him on the cock. It was more a reflex than anything else, the guy was a catchphrase-spouting moron.”
As Kelvin, and indeed the whole country, tries to come to terms with these moronic, repetitious ‘buzz’ phrases, the government has vowed to ‘step up to the plate’ and ‘take one for the team’ in it’s efforts to ‘open up a can of whoop-ass’ on bullshit-spouting twats all over the UK. Radio One DJ Scott Mills is said to have gone into hiding. NJ