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Confused Britain

'Britain doesn't know where its arse hangs'. That's the official findings of an independent report proving how little we know about our country. A leaked government dossier has delivered a damning blow to the intelligence and pride of the country, with our European counterparts dubbing the nation 'Thick Britain'.

Even our national flag has lost it.

Here are some of the report’s findings:

38% of the population believe that Winston Churchill is an English ale available at all Wetherspoons.

51% of the population believe that Sherlock Holmes was not a fictional character

26% of the population believe that The Beatles were from Alaska

18% of the population believe that Margaret Thatcher invented the garden spade

33% of the population believe that Dick Tracy is a sexually transmitted disease

Fully aware that any set of statistics can be manipulated to make unfair reading, (we should know, we do our fair share) we conducted some research of our own. Blanch Nutjob said, "I can’t believe those ludicrous 38% who think Churchill is a brand of ale. Well I know he's a dog, not a human, but he sells car insurance. I've seen him on the TV and everything."

These latest findings rank Britain as the second most naïve and mis-educated country in the world. Naturally, the US occupies top spot after a recent report unearthed the fact that 83% of Americans are unable to spell their name yet can correctly spell ‘McDonald’s’. JG