EU Moustache Ban
It is now illegal to wear a moustache. That’s the ruling by the European Union.
The dated and ridiculous looking form of facial hair has been outlawed in all EU states.
Porn stars throughout Europe are outraged, none more so than Germany’s answer to Ron Jeremy, Fritz von Lipfuzz. We asked Fritz what he thought of the ban and how many years had he worn a moustache. Fritz then revealed that what he was sporting above his lip was not a moustache, but rather an extreme case of overgrown nazel hair.
Frustrated by being told how to wear his facial hair every winter, Father Christmas rebelled.
Humans, however, aren’t the only species effected by the ban. Cats and dogs (domestic and wild) will have their whiskers trimmed as part of the new legislation.
The controversial ruling is sure to spark debates across the continent. Europe’s police forces are also bracing themselves for the emergence of a black market. Terrence Tashno, Lead Enforcer of the Moustache Ban for Great Britain said: “It’s gonna happen. As sure as our national football team lets the fans down, there will be a black market. I just hope the likes of Gillette and Nazel Hair Magazine don’t get in on the act.”
Sir Dick Payne, Head of Facial Hair and Grooming for the European Union, attempted to explain the reasons for the new legislation. Stood sideways and with his hands on his hips, Payne said “It’s simple really. Moustaches are sooo 1970’s. We’re in the 21st century, sister. The times are a-changing. We’ll all look so much smarter as a continent of Cliff Richard’s, which I’m sure is what we all want.” JG