Faking It

In June, the BBC suspended all its phone related competitions on BBC television and radio, with online and interactive competitions following soon after. The reason for these drastic steps was because of what the BBC described as ‘editorial breaches’. To you and me, that means the wool was being pulled over the viewing public’s eyes. We called the BBC to ask what was happening, using their brand new 0870 number. We gave up after being put on hold for 90 minutes and earning the Beeb a tidy sum in the process.

That’s it, one is sooooo out of here.

The BBC’s Director General, Mark Thompson, had ordered the curtailment of the competitions after it was revealed that several phone-ins had been faked. Shows affected by the wallet-lining exercise were as high profile as Comic Relief, Sports Relief and Children in Need. In a statement released a short time after the ‘editorial breaches’ announcement, a spokesperson for the BBC said, ‘We should emphasize that no money was filtered away and used to pay for my new BMW.’

On the same day that these revelations came to light, production company RDF Media were coming under fire for manipulating footage of the Queen. The footage, of the Queen arriving for a photo shoot, was edited to make it look as if her Majesty was actually storming out of the shoot. The production company later admitted to ‘a serious error of judgement.’ The Queen’s representative refused to be drawn on the subject, saying only, ‘We know what they did and are of the opinion that they are simply unaware as to with whom they’re f**king.’

Earlier in the week, Channel Four had admitted to similar ‘footage manipulation’, after it revealed that it had selectively edited scenes from The F Word. Gordon Ramsay had been filmed ‘hunting’ for fish with a spear and later appeared with a ‘catch’ of four big specimens. Channel Four revealed that they had enlisted a local fisherman to go out and catch the fish beforehand to ensure that they had enough fish to cook. Gordon Ramsay was his usual reserved self. ‘F**k you, do you know how much f**king pressure I’m under? Up at f**king four o’clock, f**king filming all f**king day, then back to the restaurant at f**king night. To top it all off, when I get home at three in the morning, the wife won’t f**k me. Now p**s off!’

After the scandal of fake phone-ins and manipulated footage hit the streets, the viewing public were up in arms. Julian from Cirencester said, ‘I just don’t understand. I mean if they faked game shows, then what else have they faked? You’ll be telling me that the documentary Vicar of Dibley’s faked next. Oh and that News series is cracking, just like real life.’

Of course, programmes that manipulate the gullibility and greed of their viewers with premium rate phone lines have been around for a few years now. Interactive quiz shows like Quizgo, Late Night Quizcall and Give Us All Your Money For A 1-In-240,000 Chance Of Winning A Fiver Quiz Extravaganza, have been fleecing drunk people returning home from the pub on a Friday night for many a weekend.

Amid the chaos that the new revelations has created, the BBC have been quick to dispel the rumours that have begun to circulate on the internet. They totally refute that Gary Lineker is really a puppet, that Graham Norton is actually a Yorkshire Terrier dressed in sparkly jacket and that Natasha Kaplinsky is, in fact, a halibut.    NJ