Fears Mount For London 2012

Despite Britain’s international reputation for building truly iconic arenas, stadiums and other performance venues (we don’t talk about The Dome and the delayed re-opening of Wembley Stadium anymore) fears have surfaced that the world’s greatest sporting event may not take place in the capital in five years time, as construction workers just can’t be bothered.

The 2012 Olympics are planned to take place in London with Paris, Lisbon, New York and Wrexham on standby when, sorry, if, London is not ready in time. Recent fears that the city would miss out on the huge regeneration benefits which the games would provide, including an even more crowded population and even slower public transport system, have been calmed by a reassuring spokesman for the event.

Construction workers have guaranteed that the project will be completed on time. 

Jonny Blaggit, said “I’m afraid I really don’t understand what the fuss is about. We have the finest construction workers from around the world currently assembling and erecting state-of-the-art facilities on sites in the capital. We have employed skilled craftsmen, and craftswomen, from as far as Bosnia, Croatia, Poland, Serbia and the Ukraine … at half the price of our men and women, I might add.” Mr Blaggit then continued “By the way, don’t listen to Seb Coe. He might have taken part in a few Olympic Games over the years, but has he ever got involved in the construction side of things?”

We then asked Mr Blaggit if he believed that, like Coe, he could win one bronze, four silver and three gold medals across five European Championships and Olympic Games. Mr Blaggit then sneered and clicked his fingers when a large eastern European man appeared driving a white transit van. The man then cursed at us (in what we think was Polish), opened the door and placed Mr Blaggit in the passenger’s seat before driving off.

Current forecasts estimate the venues for the games to be completed by 2045. If this seemingly optimistic forecast is to be trusted, the event will mark a great achievement for the British Construction industry as a major international event will only be 33 years behind schedule.    JG