Film Directors Lose the Plot

There’s a funny thing going on in Hollywood these days. Tinseltown directors seem to be allocating roles on a completely ransom basis. Despite some Hollywood seniors seeing this change of direction as a refreshing breakaway from typecasting, a number of casting decisions have made the film-loving public frown, scratch their heads and take another’s life in shear confusion.

Julian Clary was a surprise choice for the role of brash, East London detective, Frank Sale.

Oliver Stone's latest flick, City Streets, sees Daniel Radcillfe play Chicago drug overlord, Joey Cipriano. Radcliffe himself made no attempt to disguise his shock at being cast for the role. “Having played a geeky-faced wizard for so long, I’m surprised any work at all has come my way, let alone a film of this magnitude.”

Another baffling casting decision made by a premiere director, was orchestrated by none other than Quentin Tarantino. The radical director's decision to offer Tom Jones the role of a well respected yet heavily corrupt Shanghai based cop has raised many eyebrows not least in ‘The Valleys’, but worldwide. Tony Sheeplove, a farmer from Wrexham, said “Our Tom as a Chinese cop? What next? Animals as food rather than sexual objects?” We then decided to make a subtle exit, with Nick becoming increasingly nervous in his sheepskin coat.

Ray Winstone is another actor to endure the same fate. The Sexy Beast star now finds himself in the unfamiliar territory of not playing a violent East End gangster. Winstone's next appearance on the big screen will see him portray Oliver in a remake of the classic Dickens tale.

However, there is one actor who will acceptingly remain the victim of typecast. Danny Dyer has vowed to continue accepting roles as a Cockney wideboy/twat.    JG