Font Wars
The government has revealed that it plans to introduce new rules regarding all correspondence sent by
Oliver Reed’s suicide note made little sense.
Callie Graphy, Chairperson of the Hand Writing Society has already started a petition, a hand written one, and is allegedly hoping to get over half a million signatures on it. The proposals have apparently been in the pipeline since the turn of the century but were shelved as they clashed with Labour’s Education reforms at the time. Part of those reforms involved focusing on the improvement of childrens’ handwriting and it was thought that this would just confuse the general public.
According to government figures, over eighty percent of the population have regular access to a computer and internet access is readily available all over the country. George Bored, representing whatever Government department is responsible for the proposals, tried to clarify them, “It’s quite simple really. The vast majority of the population now have access to computers and so we see this as the perfect time to harmonise the whole country’s communication system. No longer will postmen and women have to struggle to read addresses. No longer will children have to ask their parents what their grandparents have scribbled in their birthday cards. The time of the individual is over! Gone, I tell you! Bow down to the font!”
Activists have a different slant on the whole thing and rather eloquently argued their case. Matt Gloss, an avid hand writer had this to say, “It’s all bollocks. I’m going to keep hand writing shit and no f**ker can stop me. And anyway, Verdana? Everyone knows that Times New Roman is the money font.”
At the time of writing, the government are pushing on with the proposals and have issued press statements to that effect…in Courier New.
This month's Guest Writer is Hank Douglas from Bristol. Hank assures us that that is his real name and that he does a 'boring' job involving early starts. He didn't divulge anything else but we think we know a milkman when we hear one.