Football Manager Denies Fraud Charge

Portsmouth FC manager and used car salesman, Harry Redknapp, has been arrested on suspicion of fraud. The premier league boss was arrested on Thursday 28th November when police raided his house and put him in handcuffs at approximately 2am. Having been refused permission to be taken to the station wearing more than just his underwear, a spokesperson for Redknapp said that he will sue for wrongful arrest and for the 'pain and suffering' inflicted on his neighbours who witnessed the near-naked arrest.

Harry’s ‘mugshot’ will be used by police to deter potential offenders from a life of crime

Redknapp, 60, was one of five men arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to defraud and false accounting. The four men also arrested include former Portsmouth chairman, Milan Mandaric and three young Malaysian footballers aged 6, 9 and 11.

Redknapp's son, Jamie, has provided what he claims to be "unquestionable proof" of his father’s innocence. The police however, feel that Redknapp Jnr's saying "my dad didn't do it" fails to constitute "unquestionable proof".

We managed to speak to Harry on the promise that we would buy his "old woman's Ford Sierra" whether he goes down or not. Redknapp said "They just want a profile. I've been picked to give this case maximum exposure. I'm a scapegoat". Harry then found himself in further bother when new signing Senegal international John-Owesui-Scapegoat, thought he was being dragged into the allegations. "Bottom line, I'm innocent. You can ask any of me family. You might have a problem though, as it's a right ‘mare getting through to Wormwood Scrubs.”

This issue's Guest Writer is Eddie Merchant, a 32 year old Painter and Decorator from Collier Row, Essex. He asked us to put his company name on here if he won but we reckon this is enough exposure for now...unless some money plops on to our doorstep, that is.