Grizzly Ending For 'Bear Boy'

World renown US bear enthusiast, documentary filmmaker and general mentalist, Willy Offhisnut, died at the weekend.

Offhisnut, famed for living among grizzly bears for 14 seasons while penning his memoirs Why Haven't I Got Any Friends?, met his bloody demise on Sunday evening. Fifty-two year old Willy was mauled to death by two of the animals after rumours spread that he was responsible for leaving lids off honey pots and carelessly scattering bear traps around living quarters.

Baloo was livid after learning Willy had “shagged that blonde porridge-stealing tart” he had his eye on.

Offhisnut was born in Billings, Montana, and is fondly remembered by former neighbours. Martha Beehive, a lumberjack who still resides in the city, recalled, “Hell, I remember when I met little Willy. I’d be a loggin’ all day and that boy would come on by askin’ if he could help me out. Why I'd shoo him away and tell him to go play with the bears. Didn't think he'd actually go do it though.”

Hank Misfit also has memories of a young Willy. “Shucks, I remember ribbing the little fella about his name. We used to call him things like...” we then thanked Hank for his time and moved on.

We here at wemadethisup.com were somehow able to prise Willy’s memoirs from the salivating jaw of a bear named ‘Fuzzy’.

Today was a typical day for me and Yogi and Bigfoot and Winnie. I fed them some honey, we wrestled for a while, then we went to the lake to catch some fish together and then all three of the little critters decided to simultaneously tear parts of my face off. Kids eh!?

On a personal note, I think it was the slutty bear outfit Nick wore which distracted Fuzzy and allowed us to obtain the documents. A good day all in all as it’s pretty rare that you outsmart a grizzly bear and one of you win’s the Turner Prize at the same time.  JG