House Prices Crash As Estate Agent Suicides Rise

It had to happen sometime and finally it has. House prices have plummeted.

The average price for a three bedroom semi-detached property in Britain is now just £37.50. Despite such a significant drop in price, there is no exact reason for the dramatic turnaround.

All yours for £712.50.

Industry experts have came up with a number of theories as to why the price of a home in Britain is now even lower than it was in 1832. Derek Stat-Boy, a statician and general boffin, said "There could be a number of contributing factors responsible for the crash in house prices. It could be the greenhouse effect, the movement of our planets Tectonic plates or possibly the works of higher, greater power." Derek was then taken away by a group of uniformed men who claimed it was "now time for his little lay down".

John Slime, an estate agent of twelve years, said "Oh my gosh. I usually clear thousands in commission each month. I used to quite happily go about my merry business ripping people off and now what?" We then noticed John blatantly rummaging through our personal belongings nearby. Realising he'd been caught, he froze momentarily then threw himself in front of a passing milk-float. Fortunately, sorry, unfortunately, stories like John's are becoming increasingly more common since the housing bubble spectacularly burst. Only last week a group of 14 estate agents had their lives ended.

What was originally billed as a 'joint mass suicide bid' unsurprisingly saw each agent who signed up for the pact frequently attempt to change the terms of the contract. In the end Liam Conman, a lettings manager from Morecambe, performed an act of genocide on the bickering group.   JG