It’s Not All About The Length

Never mind Newton's explanation of gravity or Archimedes' theory of volumetric mass, the most crucial discovery ever has just been made. Sex should last no longer than thirteen minutes.

Tom was so enraged by Kim laughing at the size of his manhood that he put her in a bear hug.

Insecure lovers across the globe breathed a heavy sigh of relief as the news broke. Well, it was either that or they had just reached the thirteen minute mark.

Liam Cant-Climax, a pet groomer from Leicester, resents the recent findings. “What’s wrong with enjoying sex for a just a brief period of time? We live in a society where ‘more’ is expected as standard. People have become greedy. Ancient civilizations were content with rations and sharing their belongings. Today people will gladly trample over each other for that little extra." We considered continuing the interview with Mr Cant-Climax, but were unable to tolerate any more irrelevant ramblings from the genitally-challenged sexually-inadequate animal botherer.  

Simon Cattle, a farmer from Devon, has remained celibate for the past 28 years. "Thirteen minutes? Huh, what I'd give for thirteen seconds." Simon then explained his constant pursuit to once again become intimate with the opposite sex. "I've tried everything. Online dating, speed dating, you name it I've tried it." I just want to find someone who I can call my own. You know, someone who I can have a physical and meaningful relationship with. I've got to a stage where even my right hand refused to be intimate with me."    JG