Jesus Saves As Churches Charge

One of the oldest churches in London, the Saint Sebastian the Mediocre, is to begin charging visitors entrance fees.

Daily admission is set to start from £14.00 per adult with those under 16 having to pay £6.00 per visit. Senior citizens are not welcome. The controversial proposal has caused uproar amongst Christians across the globe. A spokesperson for Independent publication, Which Religion?, said the charge is “exploitative and unfair, but fair play for excluding the oldies.”

The choir continues to expand after it was announced that each member would receive a cut of the takings

Father Billy Gospel, who is not a religious man (although his name does strongly suggest otherwise), said "Paying to go to church? That's absurd. What next, paying to receive gas and electricity?"

The Reverend Paul Afast-One, who is pretty religious, said "Our Church survives on the kind donations of those who visit and support it. We here at Saint Sebastian the Mediocre have witnessed something of a slump in the number of donations being made over recent months. With this in mind, we have changed our policy and have introduced a number of very reasonable charges."

Below is an extract from the church's proposed price list:

Front row pew seat: £22

Middle row pew seat: £17

Back row pew seat: £15

Restricted view pew seat: £10

Prayers start from £1.50 depending on their content and duration.

Reverend Afast-One continued "Some churches try to convince worshippers that they’re in need of funds to help repair a roof or get the place going. I'll be honest, we're introducing the charge for neither of those reasons. I'm smart enough to see an opportunity to make me some serious money and by God I won't let it pass."      JG