Lampard Defends England Form

Chelsea and England midfielder Frank Lampard has hit back at calls for him to be dropped from the national starting eleven.

Frank said “I don’t know why people are being nasty to me. They used to call me ‘Fat Frank’ and that was bad enough. But now they want me dropped from the England team. I don’t know how this has all come about. My shots-to-goals ratio is pretty good at club level. Last season I took 23,416 shots and scored with 14 deflections, so there’s no problem there. The fans gave David (Beckham) a hard time after last year’s World Cup, but now that he’s got a new haircut, people like him again. Maybe that’s what I’ll do.”

Lampard wipes away the remains of a bacon sandwich

Chelsea team mate Didier Drogba leapt to Lampard’s defence saying, “Frank is a world-class player and…” before dramatically diving to the ground and appealing for a free kick.

We then asked Frank what he made of the claims that he simply can not play alongside Steven Gerrard at the centre of midfield. 

“That’s absolute rubbish” claimed Frank. “We’re both English, so why not?” Frank then removed his mobile phone from his ill-fitting jacket and dialled for a pizza. “And another thing. There’s all this talk of me moving abroad to either Barcelona or Juventus and I’m getting a bit sick of it. I want to go on record as saying that I am a Chelsea player and have no desire to move to another club. Plus if I play in Spain or Italy, then I could no longer play for England, could I? That is how it works, right?” Yes, Frank. If only.   JG