London Underground Reveal Dynamic Plan

London Underground has today revealed plans to improve key areas of their service. If ever carried out, the changes will be the first made by the company since their formation.

Sections highlighted for improvement include Delays, Levels of hygiene, Violent behaviour towards staff, Violent behaviour towards passengers, Overcrowding and Pricing. Coincidentally, these plans are revealed just two days after the government promised to pay all London Underground employees an extra 15% of their annual salaries- if they meet the October 2030 deadline for the project.

Justin Skiver, a London Underground engineer said, “The deadline’s a bit tight to say the least! Come to think of it, it’s a complete piss take! By the time we’ve had all our breaks, thrown in a few strikes and all that, I don’t think we’re gonna make it.” Mr Skiver then suddenly vanished without trace.

Iva Binlyin, managing director of London Underground, has asked commuters "to be patient with improvements". Mr Binlyin also said, “It is also our priority to make these improvements cost effective. With this in mind, we politely ask all tube users to clean trains as they travel. Detergents, brushes and other cleaning equipment may or may not be provided. We also encourage generous donations from members of the public. I can categorically state that the money will not go to waste but to a fund which will help motivate our employees to perform their daily tasks.”

"Delays will be a thing of the past,” said Iva.

“We plan to improve all London Underground lines, but this obviously won’t happen overnight. Come to think of it, it probably won’t happen at all.”   JG

The following is today’s service update for the London Underground: