Long Way In

After the successes of Long Way Round  and Long Way Down, Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman have announced that their next project will be Long Way In – Journey to The Core. The Hollywood A-lister and his biking buddy will document their trip to the centre of the earth powered by nothing but two BMW motorbikes and the usual minimal support crew.

McGregor's early choice of clothing for the trip was quickly vetoed.

The pair have already circumnavigated the planet and travelled from John O’Groats to Cape Town. Now they have seemingly upped the stakes and plan to bore through the Earth’s crust some time in early 2009, once McGregor’s current filming commitments are out of the way. The BBC have confirmed that they hope to screen the programme in late 2009, depending on the safe return of the two bikers.

The dangers they potentially face on their new adventure will be very different to those they faced while biking on the Earth’s surface. For a start, they’ll need to pack some factor 500 to reduce the risk of skin-burn from the increased temperatures. They never faced molten magma while biking across northern Mongolia and the big worry is that once they reach the Core, customs there may not let them just turn around and begin their return journey. Core Customs and Excise (CCE) are notoriously bureaucratic and the whole project’s timetable could be thrown into chaos. Negotiations have apparently already begun with the CCE in order to head off any problems.

Ewan McGregor, while remaining fairly tight-lipped about the fledgling project, did confirm a couple of points. “Well, I can tell you it’s going to be a logistical nightmare what with drilling rights and diving equipment having to be squared away. We’re having another issue with the bikes too – BMW are giving us some bullshit about them not being built for subterranean travel. We’re negotiating with them now but they’re being characteristically German about it.”

Scientists at the London Academy of Scientific Stuff That’s Really Impressive have ridiculed the whole idea. Professor Strokybeard, Head of Complicated Things, told us, while smoking a pipe, “I ridicule the whole idea.” Dr Felix Testtube, Head of the Ooohwow Department was more forthcoming, “The mere suggestion that someone could ride a BMW to the centre of the planet is laughable. Aside from all the molten rock, temperatures that regularly peak at over one hundred degrees and of course all the monsters, it’s blatantly obvious that the bike of choice should be the Kawasaki. It’s handling and power-to-weight ratio in hot climates is second to none. Bloody amateurs.”

Ewan McGregor’s wife was unavailable for comment. However, Charley Boorman’s wife had this to say. “F**k it, I don’t care anymore. Long Way Round, Long Way Down, the bloody Dakar Rally. I haven’t seen him in so long he could bike to the f**king moon for all I care.”  NJ