Mobile Phone Throwing Championships Take Off

Mobiles, you just can’t get away from them: the irritating phone-tunes, the kids who play their music on them on the bus, the people who talk too loudly into their headsets on the train. And, since you can’t kill people (that would be a very different article) the fine people of Scandinavia have come up with a less sociopathic solution: kill the phone. Yes, the Eighth Annual Mobile Phone Throwing Championships have just wound to a close again this year, this time in the sleepy Finnish town of Savonlinna. The first prize, of course, being a new mobile phone.

Jurgen still hadn't realised that he was a week late for the Mobile Phone Levitating Championships.

Yes, in ancient times Olympians by the name Svlad would, addled with steroids, sweat and hurl heavy things across the fields of Greece. Today, in Northern Europe pale anaemic men by the name Gustav now lob their blackberries instead.

Apparently the competition started when a drunk down-and-out businessmen in Sweden first threw his own phone in frustration, decided it made a nice thud, and soon had all his friends competing to see who could chuck theirs the farthest. Either that or some irritating little environmentalist decided it would be a good way to encourage recycling. I don’t know, I just make this stuff up.

Unfortunately, the Scandinavians, being the Scandinavians, have found ways to take all the fun out of chucking your Samsung. Regulated mobile phone throwing heats, aesthetically judged free-style rounds and the banal recording of distances are taking over the competition. I suggest improvements be made immediately (i.e. ways to create chaos). 

Suggestion One:

Don’t just throw the thing, have a target in mind, preferably a moving, make that live moving target.

Suggestion Two:

Why throw a phone? The next-door-neighbour’s cat is just as annoying, and presents more of an aerodynamic challenge.

Suggestion Three:

We introduce a new category: Mobile Phone Russian Roulette. The winner gets to spin a wheel, and either wins the new long-awaited Apple mobile phone/Mp3 player/Transformer robot, or gets thrown to the awaiting sharks.

Feel free to try this at home.

This month's guest writer is Stephanie Smith, who neglected to tell us her age but informs us that our website, and the diversion it brings, is one of the main reasons she is having trouble finding a job. Hmm, I'll have to try that one out on the boss...