Musicals Go Adult
London’s West End used to be a place for families. Theatres would be filled with people young and old, enjoying classic West End productions like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Cats and of course, Whoops, Mrs Miggins. Not any more, though. In a bid to update London’s theatre district to make it more attractive to young people, theatre producers have agreed to ‘filthy up’ their shows.
The new Phantom of The Opera costumes were a break from the traditional.
Phil McCockup, Artistic Director of the Drury Lane theatre in…Drury Lane, spoke on behalf of London’s major theatrical players. “It’s high time that shows in the West End reflected the lifestyles and open attitudes of today’s ‘Russell Brand’ generation. With this in mind, shows that are currently running will be overhauled and re-opened with more contemporary themes and content. For example, one show whose overhaul is already nearing completion is Shitty Shitty Wang Wang, which will now be a damning insight into the comical consequences of unsheathed homosexual love-making, rather than a rather outdated tale of an inventor who builds a flying car.”
Opposition to the radical steps has been fervent and we spoke to Margaret Sensitive-Britches, a long time fan of bland stage-based musical entertainment. “I just don’t see where they’re coming from with this idea. What’s wrong with good, wholesome, live family entertainment? When I was a child, I couldn’t wait for my mum and dad to take me to see Sandy, The Happy Paedophile. Of course, that’s before everyone suddenly started hating paedophiles for some reason. I fear for the artistic integrity of our famous theatre-land if this trend continues. What next? Shoe-Bomber: The Musical ?”
One of the shows that is going to be hardest hit by the changes, Mary Poppins, has had to undergo serious plot and character changes in order to see out it’s six-month run. The production, renamed Mary Sluttins, has replaced songs like Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and A Spoonful of Sugar with SupergaybutIlikeitroughandtherashIgetisatrocious and A Spoonful of Sugar Helps The Syphilis Go Down. The stars, Denise Van Outen and Shane Richie, are also being replaced by Shannon Doherty and Ron Jeremy.
Amazingly, early indications are that the new shows are what the public want to see. Tarquin Foot-Sheath, a regular visitor to London’s West End, told us, “I love the idea. It’s about time we got a bit of filth in this town. Call me blinkered, but I think you’ll find that London is probably the cleanest city in the world when it comes to the entertainment of adults. Morally, it can’t be touched. Where are all the old sights of prostitutes on every corner and dirty magazine shops on every street? I’ll tell you where – Runcorn. Now there’s a place where morality has taken a f***king nosedive.”
As the world of performing arts adapts to the changes sweeping through it, only time will tell whether or not the public will adapt with it. What’s assured is London’s place on the world arts map, as the City that could be so culturally cutting-edge, if only they could ban Kevin Spacey from Hampstead Heath. NJ