Natural Disasters Rock Britain

If the recent series of natural disasters were to become the basis of a new movie (which, let's face it, they probably will) Mother Nature would undoubtedly be played by Floyd Mayweather and Great Britain by Ronnie Corbett.

An artist’s impression of the horrific injuries suffered by a tree in Bolton, Lancashire.

Hurricanes, earthquakes, tornados and even meteorites have ambushed Britain in recent weeks, leaving the shape of the land beyond recognition.

Thousands have lost gnomes, water features and other garden decoratives in past weeks. Despite the upturned condition of lawns and shrubs in gardens nationwide, the damaging affects of Mother Nature’s wrath were most visible when an unnamed ten year old from Port Talbot, Wales, was mercilessly swept off his BMX bike. The youngster was later found in neighbouring Northern Ireland.

Marge Patchwork is another who was affected by the recent barrage of disasters. The retired bingo caller endured a damaged fence panel, garments of clothing swept from her washing line onto nearby flower beds while also tragically losing her favourite umbrella to a particularly aggressive gust of wind.

Having survived an earthquake which posed so much danger that nobody actually noticed it, Britain can surely not withstand another natural disaster. The net cost of the tirade of physical abuse to the land was totalled at £42.20.

Simon Parcel, a postman from Woking, bravely continued his duties whilst his satchel was ruthlessly blown from one side of his body to the other. Other challenges our rattled nation faced included milkman struggling to collect empty bottles from residents doorsteps, paperboys being re-routed by unforgiving winds and town centre charity fund raisers being swept away into the abyss. Still, every cloud...   JG